Hitting the Wall

The first week (7 days) of RESET yielded a 5 lbs weight loss which has landed me back where I was weeks ago. I have lost 20 lbs (but 10 of those pounds have been gained and lost a few times). I am grateful to be 217 lbs. I had to get new under clothes and a lot of my tops I bought in the winter for spring are too big. I even got a compliment at the gym today. During Zumba class, another woman (familiar stranger in class) stopped shimmying to say - you've lost a lot of weight!! Beaming, I said, yeah about 20 lbs so far. I'm doing the PINK Method! That one small comment boosted my confidence and I all of a sudden started working harder in my first workout since May 6.

But this past 7 days has been very challenging for me. Each day I have not done PINK to the best of my ability. I am weak in my resolve. I find myself tasting things I shouldn't. Finishing my kids' last bites instead of throwing it in the trash. I think about how I could be out of the 200s if I had stayed the course and stopped the yo-yo dieting. But isn't that the human condition? To always be thinking about what you don't have instead of living in the moment and rejoicing in it. I know I am feeling this way and acting out in this diet because I have hit THE WALL (duh duh duuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh!).

I have tried many diet plans over the years and I am always gung ho in the beginning. I can hang in there for 2 to 3 months and then I get tired of all the pomp and circumstance. I mean I get tired of counting points, counting calories, being on the straight and narrow, feeling like I cannot enjoy myself at functions, and blah blah blah. So what happens is I cheat here, cheat there, bend the rules, here and there until I am like EF this EFing Bull crap I am having what I want, when I want. That's the wall for me. I gain weight and become depressed.

I am at the WALL. I was doing well, even on vacation and then I got back and got sick and tired of caring. I love the results. But I am tired. I have to find a way to stop thinking about PINK as a diet for now and to thinking of it as a blueprint for LIFE, a lifestyle that doesn't start and stop but is continuous and never ending. I am still a slave to the scale. I want to see that number going down but my actions are not bringing that about. Self-loathing mistakes daily are keeping me with my head banging against the wall.

Knuckles and forehead bleeding I am going to break through the wall this time.  I will not fall off and blow up and buy bigger clothes again. I want to live. I need to change. I will survive! (Just not sure exactly how yet but I am going through the motions. Time to re-read my PINK manual and do some written exercises or something. I may have to turn to my American Gladiator of a husband for advice (PRAY FOR ME).

Thanks for cheering me on ladies! PINK for LIFE!

La-Vie

p.s. If you're into crafting... check out my blog http://www.cestla-viedesigns.blogspot.com/
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